member of the human race

just before going to work, I had to meet a certain Bengali sis and get a cheque for the trips from her and also return her mobile phone as she has this habit of forgetting things, we agreed to meet outside lidl on Oxford road, so I started to make my way there and I get of the 142 bus, start rushing towards lidl and then I come across a cucumber it was just lying there all green and long, so I pick it up and start looking around and just as I was giving up any hope of finding somebody with a tesco bag (the cucumber was from tesco) I spotted a lady in the distant carrying a couple of tesco carrier bags, so I pick up my wet long black skirt and start running like a headless chicken down Oxford road shouting 'hey lady, excuse me, ladyyyyyy' and no response, so im still running, shouting and waving the cucumbe rin the air, and can I point out that a dozen heads are following my every action, pointing at me and laughing.

so I eventually catch up with her, tap her on the shoulder with the cucumber, she turns around looks me up and down, im panting like a dog and saying 'excuse me you forgot your cucumber', she looks at me smiles and says ' oh no your mistaken that's not mine' so what could I say, I turn around and I see some work men staring at me (they were watching my every move), they start clapping, well I did get the urge to bow down but decided not to.

I decided to retrace my steps and I found myself outside tesco, so I walk in with the cucumber, see the security guard standing at the door, gave him the cucumber and this is how the conversation went:

security guard: what's this

me: its a cucumber

security guard: I know its a cucumber, why are you giving it to me?

me: I found it outside your shop,

security guard: ok what do u want me to do with it?

me: I don't know, eat it

and then I walk out the shop.... thats my adventure of the day.