member of the human race

its funny how the day can start so well, and things are going according to our plans, yet in the midst of things realisation can hit us and remind us of the life we live and that suddenly one day those whom we love may no longer be a phone call away.

on friday afternoon, i rushed home to clean the house, my mum was coming back from Dubai, and for a whole 10 days it was me and the boys, so the house standard was not up 2 scratch of course due to the boys...

whilst scrubbing away at the kitchen floor, the phone rang, i answered and was happy to hear my uncles voice all the way from Libya, although he thought i was thabet (people always mistake our voices!!!!).

he didnt actually sound to good, and he asked for my dad, to which i told him he wasnt available, so i was the one to recieve the news of the passing away of my grandmother.

inillah wa inna illyhee raj3oon (to allah we belong and to him we return).

it was as if some one had thrown a bucket of ice cold water over my head, i went numb, and i didnt know how to react, 00kitty was sat in the kitchen with me and thank god she was there as i was alone at home and it felt good to have a friend to break the news to.

i think the fact that i had to inform my father caused me more stress and prevented me from breaking down and crying. its not an easy thing to tell some one that there mother had returned to her creator.

i sit here typing away with tears in my eyes filling up ready to unleash onto my cheeks, tears of sadness, partly for my father and partly for missing out on years of not living with her or growing up with her in my life due to the political situation and for that i always curse a particullar so called 'leader'.

my memories of my grandmother i will cherish for a long time and each time i remember her i smile, never have i heard a harsh word from her, all she offered where smiles and the last few years of her life she became even more special as she was the last living grandparent.

i couldnt have asked for a better grandmother may allah have mercy on her soul.

i pray that Allah swt accepts her efforts of the life she lived, that he grants her jannah and that i am not denied seeing her in the after life.

Hajja Fatima you will forever be in our hearts and your memory will live on.