member of the human race

the other day i remembered a conversation i had with an old English lady that always manages to bring out a laugh from me, so i thought i would share it.

i was walking towards the mosque in town when i stumbled across a shop that seemed to be selling interesting items, i couldn't resist, i guess my shopping gene kicked in at that moment and the cells in my brain called out to my legs to walk and take me to the shop.

i walk in and the radio is playing really loud, some thing from the 80s, i was the only one in the shop apart from an elderly lady sat behind the counter, she looks up at me, smiles and shouts 'HELLO'.

to which i smile back, nod and reply 'hello'.

i start to walk around the shop, picking things up and generally being inquisitive, i felt some one was behind me so i turned around and low and behold the elderly lady is stood directly behind me with a smile on her face, i nearly dropped what i was holding.

she then takes her finger, points at me ands says in that manner that people have when talking to some one whom they think will not understand them 'ARE YOU OK? DO YOU NEED ANY HELP?'

whilst moving her arms every where and breaking up the words to an extant that there was a 5 minute interval per word.

i seriously stood their for a couple of minutes just looking at her, i was in fascination of the way her mouth moved it was like watching something in slow motion.

she thought i hadn't understood so she was about to say the same thing but even louder, when i interrupted her and said:

'I'm alright darling, thanks for asking, if i need your help i will be sure to call you my love'

in a really strong mancunian accent, hee hee hee.

she was surprised and it was so obvious in her facial expression, the mouth open, jaw slack, eyes glazing over, she then shook herself out of the trance, smiled and said 'ok then love, give me a shout if you need me'.

so i went back to looking around the shop at the same time listening to the radio as the news was being broad casted and at that time the hottest topic was the lockerbie trial, the radio was really loud so you couldn't help but listen to what the news presenter was saying.

i noticed that the lady was asking me questions, so i looked towards her and said : sorry i didn't catch what you said'

lady: ' yes luv, i was asking where you are from (she was still talking in slow motion but not as loud'

me:'well i am from a little village called Manchester'

lady: 'theres another place called Manchester'(obviously sarcasm was not her strongest quality)

me: ' no, i mean I'm also from Manchester like yourself'

lady: 'oh i see, but where did you come from'

me: (ok think about this white african, do you really want to say Libya and scare her, obviously she has been listening to the radio, and all this talk of Libya is going to cause a reaction, well dearest readers i decided that i would tell her that i, white african, am from Libya) well i am from Libya....

lady: 'Libya? Libya? Libya? ummmmmmm never heard of it lovey to be honest'

looooooooooooooool

me: '!!!!!!!! you sure, you have never heard of Libya being mentioned ever in this shop (the radio presenter had just said the word Libya)

lady: 'no luv, your the first'

me: (smacks head repeatedly)

lady: 'is it hot in Libya?'

me: 'we have flying polar bears, only joking, it can get really hot, its situated in the north of Africa'

lady: 'oh nice'

me: so have you ever been to north africa?'

lady: 'no love, never been to africa, doubt i ever will'

me: well have you ever travelled outside of Britain?'

lady: ' oh yes love, 10 years ago i went for a lovely holiday in Tunisia'

???????????????????????????

me: 'Tunisia is in the north of Africa'

lady: 'no luv, I'm sure i would have noticed if i was in Africa, i would have been surrounded by black people' (no comment, just shoot me in the foot or i will bang my head in frustration)

me: 'but it is in Africa, really, if i had a map i would show you'(not that it would make a difference)

lady:'no love, it's in Europe I'm quite sure of that'

me: ' well if your sure then that's a different matter, i should visit Tunisia of Europe, sounds like a fun place'

lady: 'oh it was lovely what with all those palm trees'

and that was what i remembered the other day, i swear i laughed so hard that day that tears where running down my cheek by the time i left the shop, unbelievable....